As a woman of God I know how much God loves a cheerful giver. In life I’ve been happy to give and keep it moving without little thought of it but as of recent I had to consider my giving. Giving for me could look like time, love, charity, an ear, long suffering and availability in excess. For me I struggled with all but availability in excess particularly in my friendships and relationships has proven to be my downfall. Despite of the nature of the relationship or the lack of reciprocity, I would always be there for people I love and I gave and gave until no end and when I needed or after their season of needing me was over I barely heard from them, if I did at all. But one thing that I’ve come to learn is that, relationships without a fair give and take lacks balance and is in fact a false balance. A false balance is not minor at all and the Most High God perceives it as an abomination (Proverbs 11:1).

So many of us have had the misconception that we should exhaust ourselves and selflessly without complaint. Christ said to us to pray for those who use us, so he gave us an expectation to be used yet for those who use us despitefully, to pray for them. Because it isn’t right that we are used despitefully.

Initially I didn’t understand why he said to pray for them but now I’m understanding that when God tells you to pray for people who have used and abused you it’s typically because his wrath will be upon those who touch his annoited. Honestly, sometimes we actually have an assignment to help but most times we don’t. Mostly it is due to rejection and other things that we ourselves have not dealt with where we “help too much” and develop a lack of boundaries.

From these issues of rejection we give in places we should have never stepped foot in or stay with people that perhaps we barely should have given a hello to. Yet somehow as believers and some non believers as well, we believe we are sent everywhere instead of paying attention to where the Most High God actually wants us to go. I had to ask myself did I ever actually ask God where to give me to before I did and be real with myself on why I was giving to excess and left with an empty cup. Should I feel sorry for myself for not consulting with the Most High first? You already know the answer and furthermore if I gave from the foundation of rejection was I really a cheerful giver like I thought or operating under the spirit of rejection?

As followers of Christ we are so zealous to do right by the lord, to where we aren’t considering that there are some we should turn away from and for good reason (2 Timothy 3:1-7). We don’t consider how much we can war in the spirit and pray and fast for deliverance to intercede for people who God said to “not even pray for”(Jeremiah 11:14). Sounds harsh but I guarantee you that the Most High has many people that he’s spoken to over and over to make sure he gave his son or daughter the opportunity to repent.

So chances are besides your repetitive prayers for your “prodigal” that may in fact be a reprobate, I just bet that our father sent plenty of messengers that your stiffnecked loved one took shots at instead of taking heed to. As true believers we have to accept the full nature of the Most High that consists of his love and blessings as well as His convictions he sends to those he loves enough to chastise. But sometimes the reason we get weary in well doing is because we put ourselves in spaces he didn’t.

For some no matter how much you give, encourage, support, love etc, because you may be sent from the Most High to help that individual, this person will reject you because they reject God yet you continue to give 80 and receive 20. So it is not a “you” issue but a God one. In your own understanding you can believe that what you will do will make a difference and actually it might but you have to consider that sometimes your help or your messages or your displays of giving could all be used just for the sole purpose of judgement day. The day when that person has to stand before God and explain why they never repented or when they ask why God did not send someone to step in to help and only then will your efforts be remembered.

So don’t waste too much of your goodness in a place YOU called yourself to. This is why it is written to not cast your pearls amongst swine. It’s not to say that God can’t use what you are doing when you engage in situations that are unjust and imbalanced. But if you give to where you weren’t called to go and to depletion to those who disregard you and lack gratitude, not only did God not send you there but if you are exhausted in well doing how much more can you be used? At that point our God doesn’t want to wear us out only Satan does. Rather the ungrateful is your family, friends, relationships, ministries etc make sure it is Him who sends you. Having said that, pray over your feet and hands so that he guides where to go and to whom you give. If not you may find yourself in repetitive cycles of depletion and being taken for granted, when all the time God has a group or a person who not only needs what you have but will appreciate you and the one who sent you. Shalom